The Empire Strikes Back - and I'm the Empire (part six)
Actually, I'm the Empress of Everything. Ask anyone - go ahead, I'll wait.
hummm...humhum...ladidaaa...hummm...
Now that you have confirmed my empressocity, let's continue, shall we? Yes! Let's!
I spent a good long day at the hospital yesterday - 11 hours more or less. i have glow-in-the-dark lymph nodes now so get your pictures while you can! I'm not sure what the half-life is on this stuff but I think I'm good for a year. It was a fascinating scan. I'm not sure what it's called. I will call it Ralph.
In order to Ralph, you need to put on a stylish hospital gown but you get to keep your underwear and socks. This is good because I'm convinced hospitals keep the air turned down in order to minimize work for the morgue folks. If you die, you're already partially frozen. That's gotta help someone somehow, right?
Ralph step 2 is to lie face down on the narrow moving table thingie. Then your friendly neighborhood radiologist enters and sticks you with a needle filled with a colloid of radioactive sulfur in saline. This is rather uncomfortable, especially the first one and - if you're like me - especially because you can't see it coming.
Ralph step 3 involves your Ralph attendent sliding the table under the Ralphimager to begin your screen test. My Ralph attendant broke rules for me - he turned up the thermostat and gave me blankets, too, and he also turned down the lights. To me, this is a definite invitation to nap.
So I did.
There are no clocks in many hospital places - primarily in waiting rooms. After all, they don't REALLY want you to know how long you've been sitting there. I was on my tummy for what may have been 20 minutes or 2 hours. I don't really know. I was sleeping quite happily!
Ralph step 4 - this is where the real fun starts! This is when your Ralph attendent draws on you with a Sharpie! If you've not had the experience of a lying face down under a Ralphimager while a total stranger draws on you with a permanent marker, you really must try it.
For added fun, your Ralph attendant may ask you to roll over on the table so he can color on your front parts, too!
Once this is over, your Ralph time is at an end.
But don't be low - don't be sad!
There's lots and lots more fun to be had!
(I can do Seuss, too!)
The Empress is escorted to the surgical waiting room. This room is filled with an assortment of magazines, most of which I never would touch much less read if I were not sitting and waiting. I have now learned that Kirstie Alley is going to star in an Americanized version of The Vicar of Dibley. Although I wish her well and think she is quite a beautiful woman, that news just makes me sad. I shudder to think what will become of one of my favorite shows.
The drugs are calling me to ask that I return to my stupor. I'll continue the saga in part one. Or maybe three. Lucas says we don't have to go in order, you know...
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