I don't know why these things crack me up but they do

Aug 22, 2008 at 9:55 PM
14 comments

(from an email I got today, have seen before but still crack up)

If you receive an email entitled 'Bedtimes'

Delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.

It will drink ALL your beer.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING? ?

It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. If the 'Bedtimes' message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

***WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. ** *
And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.

Send this warning to everyone!!!

THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!

Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!!
And look at you - you're on the computer!!

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Comments

I opened it; it's all true. :-(

Tragic - simply tragic. I'm sorry I didn't get the warning forwarded to you sooner. And 148 times. Good thing it's been raining to counteract the damage from your right leg.

[this is good]

very funny. :-)

My leg is healing; my neighbors dog (who was in the resulting blast zone), not so much. ;-)

[this is good]

I love these too! Although I must admit that the last sentence suddenly has me very depressed lol

Finally! An explanation for the dirty underwear on the coffee table!

Magic.

[this is good]

You know, my sick, twisted mind has wondered on occasion: "what's the record for most people in the world having sex at one increment of time, and what's the record for the least number of people?" The people at Guinness Book of Records need to get on the ball for that one.